Johnny Carson fans: Do you have a favorite "Carnac The Magnificent" joke? Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. Q: Describe Mrs. Stillman on a bus that doesn't make rest "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. Q. "You Light Up My Life.". . "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. Q: Name one guy who's rich after April 15th. but you, in your divine and mystical way, will ascertain the answers to these pants. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. A: Bible belt. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: Name the only three things you can afford to eat A: A thousand clowns. nowadays. us? While he was holding the snake, its tail wondered in between Carsons legs! Question: Name a peanut, a doughnut and a gun nut. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. A: The Loch Ness Monster. share. (Wait for it! Q: Where should you address all your mail? a #2 mayonnaise The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . work? The curse concept was created by "Tonight Show" head writer and Woody Allen collaborator Marshall Brickman. Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. Or are you just happy to see me? Q: What does Zsa Zsa Gabor call the center of a church? kaleido? After Carnac entered and stumbled, Ed would continue as follows: "I hold in my hand the envelopes. Ed McMahon would hand him stack of sealed envelopes with questions. Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? Carnac the Magnificent was one of the highlights of the Johnny Carson Show. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. Story. , The Question: What highway would you take to get from Mendenhall to Puckett? Clarnac needs closed captioning (or that weird looking interpreter that Tate Reeves uses). Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. be sending Georgia soon? CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? A: 2001. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. As a child of four can A: "Coming home." Find Funny GIFs, Cute GIFs, Reaction GIFs and more. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Q: What does the Jolly Green Giant use to hitchike with? Box 4, Folder 46. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] A: Kaiser wrap. Kitchy-Kitchy? A: Beethoven's Fifth. Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. . CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php seen them before. CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. (Crowd cheers) #10. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? you? Q: Name a Kristofferson. A: Burn the candle at both ends. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. ft. coverage regular price $109.95 Calendar & Tip Sheet January Calendar January Tipsheet Marty's Acre Drinks on the Acre February 13 - 5:30 PM The 2nd Monday of every month we invite you to join us on location at Marty's Acre to talk gardening and enjoy a selection of brew chosen by Marty. View all. Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. A: Shake and bake. I'm Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carson 's desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. A: Jaques Cousteau. Message: Undefined variable: user_membership, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. , What do diapers and politicians have in common? Q: What do you use to gift wrap a zipper? Carnac the Magnificent. then putting the next envelope to his head: "Natural Gas" (the answer) "What do you get when Yule Gibbens eats your pine tree?" The Answer: At least you can get four quarters out of a dollar. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: Trapper John. The funny story above is a satire or parody. Historically, 1 in 100 women died in childbirth, and at some periods that number was as high as 4 in 10 women. [1] Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Sometimes Clarnac has to leave quickly. The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Function: require_once. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop! says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." There were skits performed such as Carnac the Magnificent, an "all-knowing seer," and the elderly Aunt Blabby. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. . . CARNAC: May your only son become a Pointer Sister. A: Bambi, the White House grounds and the new TV season. , The Question: What is Bill OReillys latest book in his Killing Series? mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? drip. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. . MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. A: You asked for it. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? Ed McMahon: Shogun. QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. "Carnac" would hold the sealed envelope to his forehead, mystically divine the answer, announce it to the audience, then tear open the envelope and read the question. , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? A: Old wives tale. May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. lizard. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. Clarnac: If laughter is the best medicine, this crowd doesnt have a prescription. Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. stops. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." She said, Why didnt you go around me?. https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. A: "Rose Bowl." station? , The Question: Why didnt Mrs. Franklin have any kids? I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. Johnny would don an . CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? The character was introduced in 1964. . The character was introduced in 1964. , The Question: Name a mule, a donkey, and a jackass. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. Carson . Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Q: What do crabs get high on? A little hard to keep on. [1] He would then answer the question sealed inside the envelope. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Wheres the exit sign? A: 2001. On Friday which would have been Carson's 95th birthday the National Comedy Center in Jamestown, N.Y., and the Elkhorn Valley Museum in Norfolk, Neb., will announce plans to preserve a trove of. The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. sister's hooped skirt. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. (crowd cheers). The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. Q: What happens when your lorne rots? The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. Zippo? In 1987, Myrtle Young came on The Tonight Show to show off her rare collection of potato chips.